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Come Home Catholics v Daily Gospel Reading v Serving Others v Prayer Chain Request v Just for Kids |
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St. Peter the Apostle Roman Catholic Church |
445 Fifth Avenue River Edge, New Jersey (201) 261-3366 |
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A kind mouth multiplies friends, and gracious lips prompt friendly greetings. Let your acquaintances be many, but one in a thousand your confidant. When you gain a friend, first test him, and be not too ready to trust him. For one sort of friend is a friend when it suits him, but he will not be with you in time of distress . . . Another is a friend, a boon companion, who will not be with you when sorrow comes . . . A faithful friend is a sturdy shelter; he who finds one finds a treasure. A faithful friend is beyond price, no sum can balance his worth. A faithful friend is a life-saving remedy, such as he who fears God finds. Sirach 6:5-8,10, 14-16
BeFriender Ministry is a lay pastoral care program. That means specially trained lay persons enter into caring relationships with others at times of special need by visiting with them, being with them -- bringing emotional and spiritual support.
What is the role of a BeFriender? The role of a BeFriender is to be a companion on the journey through listening, presence, and compassion. BeFriender ministers bring with them the caring presence of God and the Community.
BeFrienders have completed a 35-hour training course, are commissioned by our pastor, Msgr. Slipe, and minister in the name of our parish. They participate in ongoing, monthly ministry reflection with the supervision of our BeFriender parish coordinators. ministry reflection provides accountability and growth which assists BeFrienders in their ability to listen and be non-judgmental, and to put aside their own prejudices or desire to give advice. Brief portions of some visits are used during ministry reflection; fictitious names are used and unnecessary identifying details are eliminated. Confidentiality is always maintained.
BeFriender coordinators enable BeFrienders to respond to the emotional and spiritual needs of persons in our community. Following are some of the training topics:
How does a BeFriender carry out their role? BeFrienders accept people as they are without telling them how they ought to be, listen with compassion without giving advice, allow others to make their own decisions without trying to decide for them.
If my family member has a BeFriender visiting, does that mean I am not meeting their needs? Not at all. A BeFriender cannot take the place of family or friends in someone's life. For many, though, a BeFriender is a supportive visitor beyond the family.
What are some situations in my life that might make a relationship with a BeFriender especially appropriate? A few suggestions: grief from a death or other loss; newcomer status; a job change or loss; a new baby; separation or divorce; sickness; loneliness, spiritual searching; aging.
How often will a BeFriender visit? The frequency of visits will be determined by the people who are visted and the BeFriender. A visit usually takes place every week or two and lasts about an hour.
What does BeFriender Ministry do for our parish? BeFriender Ministry is a lay pastoral care service in which people from the community are trained and commissioned in the name of the parish. BeFrienders are just like you, having had ups and downs in their lives along with joys and sorrows. They visit and become companions to people who are going through difficult or transition times in their lives. Some of those situations might be illness, loss of a loved one, miscarriage, or fertility problems. It might be older people, the homebound, or the lonely. It might also be someone who’s trying to copy with a family member who’s addicted or someone going through a divorce.
What’s characteristic of BeFrienders is that they are essentially listeners. They don’t give advice, they are not counselors or therapists. They offer a low-key listening presence that’s different from a family or friend relationship. They provide a different kind of safe listening space for a necessary period of time. They come as ministers, in the name of the parish, to provide a caring outreach when it is needed. In a parish as big as St. Peter’s, it’s just not possible for the priests to be able to visit everyone. The outreach is that of personal contact and presence; BeFrienders are not intended to be drivers or runners of errands.
Conversations are confidential; BeFrienders have spent a lot of time learning the skills of listening and confidentiality. To make sure they don’t get out of their depth, they take part in ongoing supervision and skill training. Both Mary Bertani, who is already a therapist, and Judy Cenicola, a registered nurse, have parti cipated in extensive BeFriender training in order to be coordinators and supervisors of the BeFrienders. BeFrienders continue to study such things as aging, different kinds of loss, illness, chemical dependency; they’re also learning about spiritual resources and about practical resources.
To sum it up, a BeFriender relation ship comes into being for a specific purpose and for a limited time. It’s a way for us to carry out our baptismal call to minister to one another. We all know that each of us needs “help” at one time or another to get through a difficult time in life. That’s what BeFrienders are doing.
What is the meaning of our logo? As we look at the bottom of the log, we note that BeFriender Ministry is the ministry of being a friend. It is not about counseling or performing tasks - rather it is the ministry of being a listener.
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