It was Parents' Weekend my brother's freshman year at
college, and things were going well, or so my brother, Brad, thought. He had
cleaned his dorm room to mom's satisfaction, ditched the empty "beverage
containers," and given my dad a library tour that convinced him of my brother's
familiarity with the place. All went well until Saturday night when my mother
asked the unexpected question:
Mom: "OK Brad, we'll see you tomorrow morning for church.
What time should we meet for Mass?"
Brad: (resembling a stunned deer caught in the headlights of
a Mack truck) "Uhhhhhhhh"
Mom: "You don't know when Mass is?!!! Fine, I'll go by the
church tonight and see if there is a sign that says when Mass starts, then I'll
call you from my hotel room to tell you when we are meeting. Where is the
church?"
Brad: (now resembling "road kill" left by a Mack truck) "Uhhhhhhh"
Mom: (exasperated) "You don't even know where the church is,
do you?!!!!"
Normally it is kind of funny to watch a sibling squirm a
little, but this time was different. I realized that my brother had lost a
tremendous gift, a gift he hadn't missed these first two months of college. Brad
is like so many Catholics, kids and adults, who stop going to Mass because it
seems like one more obligation, not something someone would want to do. A
personal connection had somehow never been made, and now as an adult, the fire
was dying out.
How many of our children see faith as an "obligation?" How many of our children
coming to make Confirmation see the reception of this sacrament as something
they "have to do," not a gift they are receiving? How can we make it otherwise?
We have to start with ourselves. As you lead your son or daughter to
Confirmation, do you feel this is important? Why? The most frequently asked
question I get in the high school classroom is "why." All day I hear, "Why do we
have to do this?" and "Why is it important to know this?". I have learned as a
teacher that there are three kinds of answers to this question. If my best
answer is "I don't know, just do it," then my students will have no interest and
won't take it seriously. If my best answer is "because it is on your test," I
will get temporary results, but my students develop no long term love for the
subject I am teaching. If I can tell them why the subject is important to me,
and also demonstrate it with my enthusiasm, then I make a lasting impression.
Discussing faith with our children is like that. If we don't know why it is
important to us, or it has ceased to feel important to us, then our children
pick up that cue.
I am not suggesting that you sit down and formulate an official statement about
faith. The question of "why is faith important to you?" is one that we all
continue to ask and answer different ways throughout our lifetimes. There are
many ways, however, to begin formulating a sense of your faith or perhaps
reviving the fire that you once had. Our parish offers many adult faith
development opportunities: Cornerstone, RENEW, Spiritual Direction, etc. In
addition we offer "The Catholic Way of Life," a refresher course on Catholicism
for all people who may have been away from the church for a while. We also have
an RCIA program for parents who perhaps did not complete their initiation in the
sacraments of the church or who are thinking about becoming Catholic. Of course
attending mass each week, listening to the Word of God and receiving the
Eucharist, is one of the most valuable ways to assess the importance of faith in
your life. There are many ways to renew your faith journey, but I can't
emphasize enough that you try to do this for yourself before you try to teach
your children. If faith has become a less than welcome obligation in your life,
it will be in theirs. The church, of course, does not want to see your children
in danger of drifting away from the faith; but it also doesn't want to lose you.
As your children learn about Confirmation, I urge you to revisit the meaning of
this sacrament in your own life. Remember the imagery associated with
Confirmation. The apostles "laying hands on" new Christians and passing on the
faith. This you are certainly doing by bringing your children here to be
Confirmed and modeling the importance of faith for them. There is also imagery
of the Holy Spirit, descending on the apostles in "tongues of fire." I am sure
that as parents you will be supporting the Confirmation program in some way to
help fuel that "fire" of faith in your sons and daughters. But, as you light the
spark of faith in them, do not forget to tend your own fire.
v v v
